my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
