After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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