so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
