we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
