I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize