I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
