im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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