Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
