I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
