I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
