I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
