I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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