A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
