well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
