I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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