Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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