so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
