i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
