So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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