My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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