you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
