Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we made out on top of his cat.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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