I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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