I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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