I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He felt like a one man threesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
