man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
