i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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