Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
