I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
