I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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