I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
