You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
