just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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