Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
