Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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