I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
