I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I color on your dick again?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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