I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
