Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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