Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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