I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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