why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have feelings that need drinking.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
