In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
