the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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