im holly from the hills drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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