i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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