dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
