I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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