I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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