dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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