She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
