How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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