Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
