You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.