So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed