i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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