Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
