someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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