We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
