If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize