My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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