Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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