Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
