Don't make out with my wife yet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
