whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
