I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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