FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
