Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
