i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
