Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
