at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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