I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
