honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
